the bungee jump of motherhood

Sometimes, I imagine that the leap into motherhood, is rather like bungee jumping off a bridge. You've heard about it, you probably know some people who've done it, you've read a little bit about it, watched some videos maybe, but nothing, absolutely nothing prepares you for the free fall 'O my life...what have I just done...can't go back....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh' of actually doing it. The free fall may last seconds, minutes, days or months, but on the bounce back up you start thinking...
'I can do this, this is fantastic!'
There will be days that feel like just the free fall and days that feel like the bounce back, but you've jumped. And that means that you are brave, courageous and adventurous, you have a sense of humour, some serious faith in your own abilities, and you go for it.
I don't think its just one jump either. Everyday as a mother you jump again! You've no idea what the day will bring, what highs, what lows, what the bounce will be like, where the free fall will happen. You just jump.

I've had a really reflective day today, we had dinner with old friends last night (the boys were beautifully behaved, it was amazing, I could have crushed Joel with happy hugs he was so good at that restaurant) Anyway, at one point in the evening I was asked how I liked motherhood, because he'd heard a rumour that at first I regretted it. Not so much. I miss high heels, I miss showering everyday, I miss sleeping through the night, I miss finishing a cup of tea before its cold, I miss having the headspace to follow politics and remember what's going on because its been taken up with random knowledge about Bob the Builder and Peppa Pig, but I do not, not ever, regret it. 

If anything all day today I've been cuddling the little one close, watching him sleep, delighting in his little giggles because we've always said, 2 is our limit. And if 2 is our limit, then this is the last time I'll have a little baby to snuggle up in towels after a bath, to have stroke my face as he falls asleep, and smile up at me after he wakes up . I want to savour every bit of this, because these little boys are my little miracles, and even on the free fall days, I'm so glad I jumped.

I love watching them grow and develop, I love that Joel makes pretend games and uses all the cushions to create mountains and flat bed trucks (I'm still working that one out.) I love how he gets all muddy going through the 'deep cuddles' (he doesn't say puddles properly) I love that he eats certain letters of his alphabet shaped potato first, and that he has favourites (B, F and W) I love that he wants to hug Luke and when he does Luke giggles and giggles. I love it when Joel wants to have bathtime with baby Luke. I love it when he comes bursting into the kitchen saying "Its train time Mummy!" (Obviously.)  I love it that when he really wants something he goes all super polite: "Please read tractor book with Joel in Joel's bed Mummy" I love that he thanks Jesus for trucks, tractors and the sheep in the barn all snuggled up with blankets going sleep now. I love being a mummy. I love a house filled with laughter, and I love the quietness of after bedtime and the joy of some time to reflect, to pray, to read, to ready myself for another day of jumping...

"I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart;..I will praise your name for your love and your faithfulness, for you have exalted above all things your name and your word. When I called, you answered me, you made me bold and stouthearted." Psalm 138:1-3

baby its cold inside...

Today is window day. Today all 3 windows at the front of the house were taken out and replaced with new ones! Ones that actually shut all the way! However. Today is also a wet, miserable, rainy, cold day. The baby is ensconced in furry blankets supervising the proceedings and I..I am sheltering in the relative peace of the kitchen making muffins and dinner and writing this. In a jumper. With another massive cup of really hot tea.

After my usual Thursday routine--going to Aldi and Sainsbury's in the rain -- I came home to utter chaos all over the house. We like to give ourselves a challege on our days without Joel, to see how messy we can make things, and then see how fast we can tidy them up before people come over for the church joining in course at our house in T minues 3hrs 20mins.

So I did what I do: stay out of the way, keep quiet, let the men get on with the job while making cups of tea and cakes. Days like today call for a quick muffin recipe and a dinner that you can throw in the slow cooker. Ideally make it a slow cooker dinner that reminds you of a chinese takeaway!

Courgette mini muffins

1 1/2 cups plain flour
1 cup sugar (I like to mix brown and white)
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
2 eggs
1/2 cup oil (you can substitute 1 mashed banana or 1/2 cup applesauce)

2 cups finely shredded courgette (zucchini) peel it first.

Grease a mini muffin tin (if you use papers, then you'll pull off most of the muffin with the paper.) Preheat the oven to 180C/350F.  Mix together all the dry ingredients. Make a well in the middle and add the eggs and the oil and mix together until just moistened. Then fold in the courgette. You can add chocolate chips or raisins or craisins to the mix if you want.
Spoon into the greased mini muffin cups and bake for about 20 minutes until golden brown and they spring back when touched.


                                                    Peking Pork for the slow cooker             

1 pack of diced pork shoulder about 450g/ 1 lb
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 tsp ground ginger
1/2 cup soy sauce
1/4 cup ketchup
1 large clove chopped garlic
splash of vinager (cider or sherry work well)

Cook on low 6-8 hours. I like to steam some broccoli and carrots and throw them in at the end. Serve over rice or noodles. Serves 3-4 people.
This also works well with stewing beef-cook it all day, or chicken- cook 4-6 hours. Also good with chinese veggies thrown in, some bamboo shoots/spring onion/bok choy---whatever you like best.

Lefties and Haybales

A variety of studies show that less than 10% of the world is left-handed (source: wikipedia font of all knowledge). However, I may have produced 2 left handed little boys. For the first time today I watched Luke grab for toys--and he did it--you guessed it--left handed. He also chooses mainly to chew his left arm, take out his soothie with his left arm and cuddle his blanket with his left hand. Strong early evidence.  Joel is unquestionably left-handed. He chooses to use that hand for all of his major activities: eating, digging, colouring with permanant markers while I stand hovering with wet wipes, and most importantly, making haybales.

Making haybales. For those of you who have never made toddler haybales a la Joel, allow me to explain. You will need a lot of freshly cut grass, so that you have loads of clippings left in piles to scoop up. You will also need a ride on car. Joel uses his Chuggington car for this, as it comes with a haybale maker. The haybale maker is cleverly disguised as the seat of the car, and lifts up to reveal a compartment for storing toys or treasures if you wish, however it is really for making haybales. In order to make a haybale, you lift up the 'seat' and stuff as much freshly cut grass or rotting leaves or old dry grass or freshly fallen leaves inside. It doesn't matter if it doesn't all fit, the bigger the haybale the better.  Once you have filled the 'haybale making compartment' then you squoosh it as hard as you can by pressing on the 'seat' i.e. haybale maker and jump up and down a few times. Then in order to check the durability of your haybale, run as fast as you can, pushing the car, preferably down a gravelly path so that there is a lot of bumps. Then after about 10-15metres, stop. Unload the haybale into the middle of the path and proceed to begin again with a new pile of grass.

I dedicate this haybale making lesson to Lucy Leach who patiently waited while this scene played out again and again and again and again around Boscawen park. :)  And for her and for all the little monkey toddlers making haybales I give you this cake:

Monkey Bread Cake 
(I personally like a less sticky monkey bread, so this is why I do it this way)

Do the dough in the bread machine on the dough cycle. If you don't have a bread machine, then do as for baking bread. Mix and let rise 1 hour, punch down, let rise another hour, then punch down and knead and proceed from there. 

1 cup milk/ soymilk
2 tbsp butter/ dairy free marg
1/4 cup sugar
1 tsp salt
1tsp cinnamon
3 cups plain flour
2 1/2 tsp yeast 

******************

3/4 cup melted butter

1 cup white sugar
2 tsp cinnamon

Once you have the dough, grease a tube or bundt pan really really well. Roll the dough into small pieces a little smaller than a golf ball - about the size of a large marble.

Dip the dough balls in the melted butter and roll them in the cinnamon/sugar mix. Layer them in the pan. and bake at 180C/350F for about 35 minutes until nicely risen and golden and crisp. Pull the edges away with a plastic knife if needed and turn the cake out of the pan after about 10-15 minutes. Best served warm, eaten with fingers pinching out the yummy dough balls.

*If you don't have a tube pan you can do them as muffins- grease the tray and pop 5-6 dough balls in each cup. They still bake for about a half an hour. Or make the pieces even smaller and do mini muffin monkey bread, yummy! *




When you've turned it all out if you think--hmm, this needs some caramel sauce-- then do this:
1/4 cup butter
2/3 cup brown sugar
2 tsp water

Bring it to the boil stirring constantly and cook for about 2 minutes until all the sugar is dissolved and it starts to thicken a bit. Drizzle over the cake or the muffins or serve as a dipping sauce if using immediately.

a day to celebrate new beginnings

Yesterday I was privileged to celebrate the upcoming wedding of my friend Sarah in the afternoon and then in the evening got the wonderful news that my friend Claire had given birth to a healthy baby boy. Fabulous. I love happy days of looking ahead- whether its a baby and the promise of a new little life or a wedding and the promise of a new together life.

There is that feeling of giddy anticipation, like when you set out on a really long trip and you think ...Have I got everything? ...Did I pack pants?..Do you have the directions? ...Where will we stop? ...When will we go? ...Will it be okay? ....I hope its good...I hope we don't end up in hospital...I hope its a laugh...Did you pack socks? ....

Only this time it's not just a trip there and back, its a trip into the unknown. A trip of faith. A first step on a strange and winding road. An adventure waiting to happen. A story yet to be told.

As you set out on new journeys my prayer for you is that you would embrace the new. Forget about the 'what could have happened?' and enjoy the happenings. Remember that it is never too late to learn or to try something new. When you hit a low, look up and remember the highs. That will help carry you through to the next one. Remember you are more than 'just a' whether its 'just a wife' or 'just a student' or 'just a mummy' or 'just another guy'--YOU are an amazing person created by God to do great and wonderful things. You will never be 'just a'.  And, whatever direction the road goes, know that somewhere, maybe way back at the beginning, maybe in the middle, or even if it's near the end...
I am praying for your journey, wherever you are. x

Its an easy choice for the cake that goes with this memory...
for Sarah -your quick reference!  for Claire - you cannot fail!

Microwave Chocolate Cake (adapted from BBC good food)

4 tbsp self-rising flour
4 tbsp brown sugar (or white if it's all you have)
2 tbsp cocoa powder
3 tbsp milk
3 tbsp vegetable or sunflower oil
1 egg

splash of vanilla or almond or orange extract (to make the cake a different flavour)
You can also add in chocolate sauce or a spoonful of nutella or a handful of chocolate chips if you want.

Stir it all together in a deep cereal bowl or a cappuchino (big) mug.
Microwave on high (800) for 2 minutes.

Serve warm with cream/ ice cream/ clotted cream - whichever is your preference.
It serves 2 self controlled people with ice cream or 1 very greedy woman by herself after the ironing is done and the children are asleep and she's standing in the kitchen poised with a spoon for as soon as the microwave beeps to pull it out and go omnomnomnomnom......

Vivaldi for toddlers

It is a wonderful, joyous, exuberant moment of pure bliss when your truck obsessed toddler boy asks to see violins after playing with his alphabet flashcards; and you realise with a shocked internal silence of gratefulness that you could watch youtube videos of the greats playing Vivaldi rather than monster trucks in mud.


Oh how I relished those 20 minutes. How I cheered inside everytime when Nigel Kennedy finished a piece and toddler clapped his hands and said 'yay! man with violin, yay!' and I let myself hope that maybe there is a spark of civilised cultured toddler inside the mud encrusted exterior that usually presents itself.

If I had enough eggs, I would be making civilised cultured cakes to celebrate. But alas, I only have enough for tonight's mini toad in the hole...but! if I had the eggs, I would make:

Orange Cranberry Banana Muffins

1 cup whole berry cranberry sauce
(you can make your own by boiling 2 cups of cranberries with 3/4 cup orange juice and 1 cup sugar until thickened, freeze the leftovers to make these again!)

1/3 cup butter (dairy free marg works well too)
2/3 cup white sugar
2 eggs

1 3/4cup flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2tsp salt
1/4tsp baking soda
1 cup mashed banana (2 bananas should do it)

Mix together the butter, sugar and eggs. Then add in the dry ingredients alternately with the banana. Fold in the cranberries at the end.
Bake at 200C/400F for 15-20minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. Makes 12 big muffins. Also good as mini muffins for little people. Also good with chocolate drizzled over the tops if you want to make them a bit decadent.

***************************************************
Now for those of you thinking, what about the mini toad in the hole you mentioned? Another wonderful use for a muffin tray. And a really inexpensive way to do dinner.

Mini Toad in the Hole

6 sausages, cut in half (I like lincolnshire for these)

125g plain flour
2 eggs
125ml milk (we use Sainsbury's sweetened soymilk or Alpro original)
125ml water

oil for the muffin cups

Pre-heat your oven to 200C/400F and put a little oil in each muffin cup and half a sausage. Pop those in the oven for 15-20mins until they are getting a bit brown. Meanwhile, mix up your batter of flour, eggs, milk and water.  When the sausages start to brown, take the tray out and pour batter into each muffin cup over the sausages, they'll be about 3/4 full.  Pop it back in the oven for another 15-20 minutes until they are puffed and golden brown.

Use a knife (plastic/silicon if you've got a non stick muffin pan) to go round the edges and turn them out of the tin. Serve up with veg and gravy. Yummy.

A hungry 2-3 year old will eat 2-3. A hungry adult will eat 3-4. With enough veg and maybe some beans, you should be able to feed 2 adults and 2 kids.

These also freeze really well and heat up fast in the microwave. Good to stash in the freezer for nights when you're in a rush. :)

Thursday also known as Quick!!do everything you can while Joel's at nursery -day

3 loads of laundry to do. 2 cups of tea already had. 1 fairly decent poached egg on toast for breakfast (done in the microwave! genius!)

So how to approach such a day? With a loose plan, a very large cup of tea and a sit down.

Rest is really hard. Especially for a type A personality. It's really important though- make sure that somewhere in your day is time for something you absolutely adore doing, even just 15 minutes.
For me- that's nothing.

I adore doing nothing. So for 15 minutes while Joel's at nursery and Luke is watching "baby television" i.e. the washing machine....I can do nothing. and its everything I hope it can be. I know that life will resume, as it always does, at a fairly breakneck speed, but I also know that that's okay. For now, quick!!! do nothing!! ....while I can.

Now that I have enjoyed doing nothing, I can do the next enjoyable thing: baking
Today is a rainy gloomyish sort of day that requires a baked good that is a bit dunkable with a hint of spice to warm you up from the inside out. I like making these because they don't fail on me like flapjack does. You also can't really dunk flapjack.

Jammy Oatmeal Bites

1 1/2 cups porridge oats
1 3/4 cups plain flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup brown sugar
1 tsp cinnamon (pumpkin pie spice also works really well)
1 cup butter (225g) -- melted. (I use dairy free margerine in these)
Jam of your choice (anything in the berry family works really well.)

Mix all the ingredients together in the order given, except for the jam. Mix the oatmeal mixture up really well and spread half of it on the bottom of a well greased 13x9 pan. spread liberally with the jam. Then crumble the remain oaty mix on the top of the jam. Bake at 175C/325F for about 30 minutes or until they look golden and yummy.

Makes about 20-24 squares. Tested, loved and approved by multiple uni students.

comfort food is the best food.

what's not to love about the following items:  sausage, pasta, butternut squash and apples.  Therefore you should be able to put them all together in one lovely scrummy yummy pot of delishiness.

Pasta with creamy sausage sauce

4 pork sausages casings removed or 250sausagemeat
2 tbsp oil (omit if using non-stick pan)
225g / 1 cup of cubed roasted butternut squash (I like to roast the squash and then freeze it in portions to defrost and use when needed.)
1 granny smith apple, peeled, and diced.
150 ml water
3/4 tsp dried sage
a little less than 1/4cup of flour
450 ml/ 2 cups milk (we use soy milk to make it dairy free)

250g cooked pasta small shells

Cook the pasta as you do and drain it.  While that's cooking, get out a large saucepan and put the oil and sausagemeat in it. Break up the sausage into chunks as you cook it, if you aren't using a non stick pan, then get ready for some scraping and an arm workout as the sausage cooks!

Add in the apple and the water and cook till apple is softish. Add in the butternut squash-- it will not stay in cubes it will fall apart and just look lovely. Add the sage. Add a bit of veggie stock cube if you want. Salt and pepper to taste. Cook until sausage is cooked through, then add the flour and stir it together. Then slowly add the milk 1 cup at a time, stirring all the while. Simmer on a low/med heat until thickened but not gloopy. add more milk if you want to. Stir in your cooked pasta and mix it all together. Serves 4 people if you serve a side salad and bread. Serves 2 fairly hungry adults and 1 toddler with 1 adult meal leftover if you just serve it as a main dish.

a moment over tea and cake

When faced with the reality that life has spiraled in a direction different to the one you'd planned for, not necessarily a bad direction, merely different, one must take stock.
When taking said stock I recommend strong tea and good cake. 

Life for me is puncuated by the high pitched laughter of little boys, worms, cups of tea- hot ones, baby baths, digging dirt, washing up, making dinner, where did I put my tea?, biscuits, laundry, food shopping, decorating, cups of tea - cold ones, and mostly, what cake goes with those memories.

It may not be just cake, maybe donuts, sweet breads, scones, brownies, french toast, pancakes or endless cookie variations. So this is just, my life in cake....

Sometimes sweet, fluffy wonderfulness and other times a slightly burned, congealed mess that you wouldn't dream of telling someone about much less serving up.
My favourite thing to make: chocolate crinkle brownie bites.
My baking nemesis: flapjack.

My way to stay sane: plan ahead, plan for things to go wrong, plan to make cake and plan time just to sit and eat cake.

Enjoy life in all its little moments...