I am not a yummy mummy. I am a fake imposter wanna be yummy mummy. Yummy mummies do yoga, they do not justify curly fries on the basis that cayenne pepper is a metabolism stimulant, nor do they surmise that because the cake has pumpkin in it, then surely it counts as 1 of your 5 a day. Yummy mummies look out for their children. They do not laugh inwardly when their child face plants into a shop window out of excitement and sheer desperation for the ride on bulldozer behind the glass. Yummy mummies look chic and stylish. They wear long cardigans and are cool. They do not accidentally (and repeatedly) dip the hem of their long cardigans in potties full of wee. Nor indeed in potties of wee and bonus poo. That's just not cool. Yummy mummies are not seen at A&E with blood/tea/snot stained clothes. Yummy mummies don't get follow up calls 'just checking on your son's head injury'. Yummy mummies are way more protective of their children (and thus, less fun.) Yummy mummies have nice makeup. Someone tells them when they look like a linebacker because their mascara has smeared under their eye. They don't let them walk around like that. Yummy mummies stick together, they have appearances to protect. Other mummies just commiserate and think 'I know how she feels' but they generally, say nothing.
I am not a yummy mummy.
Yummy mummies do not 'chillax'. Yummy mummies stimulate their children with educational activities on afternoons at home when they are not taking a nap, but need to do quiet activities. They do not play Fireman Sam DVD's on a loop and leave their child unsupervised with a tin of marbles and a bowl of grapes. Just so you know, a three year old will get confused.
It is important however to instill in your child a sense of the word 'chillaxin' from an early age.
I am not a yummy mummy.
Yummy mummies do not 'chillax'. Yummy mummies stimulate their children with educational activities on afternoons at home when they are not taking a nap, but need to do quiet activities. They do not play Fireman Sam DVD's on a loop and leave their child unsupervised with a tin of marbles and a bowl of grapes. Just so you know, a three year old will get confused.
It is important however to instill in your child a sense of the word 'chillaxin' from an early age.
Mind you, it is also important for there to be some educational toy time as well...
and when they ask for just '5 more minutes' sometimes its okay to give in.
Because you'll need those 5 minutes to find their trousers anyway.
Yummy mummies always have children who are fully clothed. and matching.
I am definitely not a yummy mummy, but I am fun mummy, and I do eat carbs (quite regularly), and I have adventurous children, and I now wear more fitted cardigans until potty training is over, and I'm okay with that. Yummy mummies are overrated, and they don't eat cake, and they don't drink full fat lattes. And life is way to short to be doing with that. :)
The cake recipe is for Michael and Harry and the Pumpkin Spice Creamer is for the lovely Claire Newdick, who will need serious coffee for all the work this week!
Dairy Free/Egg Free Chocolate Cake
2 1/4 cups plain flour (you can use self raising, just omit the salt and baking powder)
1/2 cup cocoa powder
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup warm coffee (decaf is a good choice where children are involved)
1/2 cup + 1 tbsp veg oil
2 tsp of vanilla extract
Preheat oven to 350F/ 175C grease a bundt tin if you've got it, or a large round cake tin. These also work well as cupcakes.
Put all the ingredients in a big bowl and give it a great big stir until they are all combined together. Pour into the tin and bake for about 35 mins until a toothpick comes clean. Though, you can also bake it 10 mins less and have a really squidgy fudgy bit, since there are no eggs. Lovely either way. Leave plain or top with icing sugar, or a glaze or more chocolate sauce.
Pumpkin Spice Creamer (because the UK Starbucks don't do autumnal lattes)
1 tin of sweetened condensed milk
1 tinful of normal milk
(full fat if you're me, semi-skim if you're other people, skim if you feel guilty)
3 heaping tablespoons of pumpkin puree
(I used butternut squash puree, worked just as well)
3 tablespoons of maple syrup
1 tsp of pumpkin pie spice (The blend below gives you nearer 2 teaspoons, so save some for your next batch, or halve it and just do a large pinch of ground cloves)
- 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
- 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
- 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
- 1/8 teaspoon ground cloves
Put all of that together in a large jug and blend together with a hand blender or serious whisking. Makes loads, but you'll drink it, because its addictive. Nice in coffee or hot chocolate. Keep it in the fridge and shake it well to re-blend it before you use it.
Hello yummy autumn......
