yummy mummies and chillaxin

I am not a yummy mummy. I am a fake imposter wanna be yummy mummy. Yummy mummies do yoga, they do not justify curly fries on the basis that cayenne pepper is a metabolism stimulant, nor do they surmise that because the cake has pumpkin in it, then surely it counts as 1 of your 5 a day. Yummy mummies look out for their children. They do not laugh inwardly when their child face plants into a shop window out of excitement and sheer desperation for the ride on bulldozer behind the glass. Yummy mummies look chic and stylish. They wear long cardigans and are cool. They do not accidentally (and repeatedly) dip the hem of their long cardigans in potties full of wee. Nor indeed in potties of wee and bonus poo. That's just not cool. Yummy mummies are not seen at A&E with blood/tea/snot stained clothes. Yummy mummies don't get follow up calls 'just checking on your son's head injury'. Yummy mummies are way more protective of their children (and thus, less fun.) Yummy mummies have nice makeup. Someone tells them when they look like a linebacker because their mascara has smeared under their eye. They don't let them walk around like that. Yummy mummies stick together, they have appearances to protect. Other mummies just commiserate and think 'I know how she feels' but they generally, say nothing.
I am not a yummy mummy.

Yummy mummies do not 'chillax'. Yummy mummies stimulate their children with educational activities on afternoons at home when they are not taking a nap, but need to do quiet activities. They do not play Fireman Sam DVD's on a loop and leave their child unsupervised with a tin of marbles and a bowl of grapes. Just so you know, a three year old will get confused.

It is important however to instill in your child a sense of the word 'chillaxin' from an early age.

Mind you, it is also important for there to be some educational toy time as well...

and when they ask for just '5 more minutes' sometimes its okay to give in.

Because you'll need those 5 minutes to find their trousers anyway.

Yummy mummies always have children who are fully clothed. and matching.

 

 

I am definitely not a yummy mummy, but I am fun mummy, and I do eat carbs (quite regularly), and I have adventurous children, and I now wear more fitted cardigans until potty training is over, and I'm okay with that. Yummy mummies are overrated, and they don't eat cake, and they don't drink full fat lattes. And life is way to short to be doing with that. :)

 

The cake recipe is for Michael and Harry and the Pumpkin Spice Creamer is for the lovely Claire Newdick, who will need serious coffee for all the work this week!

 

 

Dairy Free/Egg Free Chocolate Cake

 

2 1/4 cups plain flour (you can use self raising, just omit the salt and baking powder)

1/2 cup cocoa powder

1 1/2 cups sugar

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

1 cup warm coffee (decaf is a good choice where children are involved)

1/2 cup + 1 tbsp veg oil

2 tsp of vanilla extract

 

 

Preheat oven to 350F/ 175C  grease a bundt tin if you've got it, or a large round cake tin. These also work well as cupcakes.

 

Put all the ingredients in a big bowl and give it a great big stir until they are all combined together. Pour into the tin and bake for about 35 mins until a toothpick comes clean. Though, you can also bake it 10 mins less and have a really squidgy fudgy bit, since there are no eggs. Lovely either way. Leave plain or top with icing sugar, or a glaze or more chocolate sauce.

 

Pumpkin Spice Creamer (because the UK Starbucks don't do autumnal lattes)

 

1 tin of sweetened condensed milk

1 tinful of normal milk

(full fat if you're me, semi-skim if you're other people, skim if you feel guilty)

3 heaping tablespoons of pumpkin puree 

 (I used butternut squash puree, worked just as well)

3 tablespoons of maple syrup

1 tsp of pumpkin pie spice  (The blend below gives you nearer 2 teaspoons, so save some for your next batch, or halve it and just do a large pinch of ground cloves)

• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
• 1/8 teaspoon ground cloves

Put all of that together in a large jug and blend together with a hand blender or serious whisking. Makes loads, but you'll drink it, because its addictive. Nice in coffee or hot chocolate. Keep it in the fridge and shake it well to re-blend it before you use it.

Hello yummy autumn......

did that really just happen?

Hello, my name is Laura. I am of reasonable height and in decent shape for my size. I can wear most of my trousers without worrying about muffin top (or cake top on a bad day!) I own a lovely knitted poncho that looks like little flowers all strung together. Today, I wore my lovely knitted poncho top over my pajama top to go to the doctor to get some drugs for a fairly ouchy infection. I was attempting to look like I was not, in fact, wearing my pajamas in public. Moderate success.  As you do, when trying to fly undetected, under the radar, you meet someone you know. I met a lady I know vaguely from school in the doctors office. For the record, I look like death today.

Her opener: "Congratulations! When is your baby due?"  me: "I had him. 6 months ago."  Ouch.
Do I look pregnant? I hope not. If so, must lay off of eating cake. Or stop wearing lovely poncho.

Anyway, here are the 'Did that really just happen?' highlights of late:

1) "Your lunch went in your tummy mummy, you've got a baby in your tummy." 
NO I DO NOT.

2) "I driving my fire engine through wee wee" again, noooooooo.

3) "Why is baby Luke crying?"  "Cos I hit my bottle with the train track and it hit him." (the mind boggles at the different expressions of the same basic bullying.)

I find the best thing for times like these is something a little bit gooey, squidgy and chocolately.

Chocolate Chip Bread and Butter Pudding

8 slices bread, crusts on or off, your call.
butter/dairy free marg
chocolate bits (tesco value plain chocolate is dairy free and a steal at 30p a bar)
about 30ish g of sugar (about a 1/4 cup)
1 pint soymilk/ almond milk
2 eggs
nutmeg

Preheat your oven to 150C/ 300F.  Butter your dish, and butter your slices of bread on 1 side. I like to cut them in triangles. Use plain chocolate and enjoy cutting it up or beating out frustrations on it. Or if you feel at peace, use chocolate chips. (I used DF plain choc and it came out lovely)

Layer the buttered bread slices covering most of the bottom of the dish. Top each layer with a generous sprinkle of sugar and chocolate bits. Then mix together your soymilk and eggs and pour over the top. Let it hang out for about 30mins to let the egg and milk soak in. Have a cuppa, make some dinner....  Then sprinkle some nutmeg over the top. Pop it in the oven for 45 mins - 1hr, until its a bit golden on top and a knife in the middle comes out clean.

This version is creamier and gooeyier (sp?) than your average bread and butter pudding, but tastes like pain au chocolate only softer and more custardy. I would have a picture, but it got eaten too quickly.

forklifts, fire engines and the hunt for toilet tissue.

If you know where your spare toilet tissue is, send up a little prayer of thanks. This morning I had 5 rolls of spare toilet tissue. Tonight, so far, I've found 3. This is because Joel likes to play forklift truck. Usually he is content to forklift cushions, random boxes, my clean laundry, all of his nappies including wipes and nappy sacks, blankets, shoes, etc... and deposit them in various locations all over the house. For small items, they are generally deposited in the funpod. (Funpods are worth the money. Like a learning tower but more solid)  Anyway - this morning - he found the spare toilet tissue. I was alternatively occupied (ie: feeding a baby) when he realised that he could fit 3 rolls of toilet tissue on 1 arm and carry them around "Like a forklift Mummy!"  He has since forklifted them to secret hidden locations around the house, and so far I'm still 2 down. But we'll give him grace, because it's his birthday.

It's hard to believe my little guy is 3 already. 1 more year and he'll be at school, in tiny grey trousers and a button down shirt and a little school bag and.....it doesn't bear thinking about.
Today was low key, the weekends are the party times. We've spread it out this year so that
a) he's not overwhelmed, bless him.  and,
b) so that he actually enjoys the presents he's been given.

So far, it's working really well. He has a scooter, which was pristine on Sunday afternoon and is now totally caked in mud from some serious off-road scooting. He's also had a lovely puzzle and some new books.  When I asked him a few weeks ago what sort of cake he'd like for his birthday, he replied " A digger, and a fire engine and a street sweeper cake!"  For the record, I am not the world's best cake decorator (see: The recipe that started the blog)   But I really wanted to make 2 out of 3 wishes come true.  So this past weekend I made the fire engine masterpiece:

Which actually was not as hard as originally anticipated. Time consuming? Yes. Hard? not so bad. This weekend, I attempt digger! I will be using the same cake recipe for that.

So for everyone whose son is asking for impossibly difficult birthday cakes, I give you my best 13x9 inch recipe for a chocolate cake that builds well.

Chocolate Fudge Cake

1 1/2 cups sugar

2/3 cup oil

2 eggs (one day I'm going to try replacing with 1/2 cup soy yogurt and see what happens)

2 tsp vanilla

2 2/3 cup plain flour

2/3 cup cocoa powder

2 tsp baking powder

2 tsp baking soda

1 tsp salt

2 cups boiling water (straight out of a fresh boiled kettle)

Preheat oven to 180C/350F. Grease and line the 13 x9 pan with baking paper, leaving overlap on the edges if you are going to build with this cake so that you can get it out easily.

Beat together the sugar, oil, eggs and vanilla.  Mix together all the dry ingredients.  Then alternate mixing in dry ingredients and water to the sugar/oil mixture. Blend well, it will seem quite a liquidy batter. Pour into your prepared pan and into the oven. Bake for about 45 minutes until it springs back when touched or a toothpick in the middle comes clean.

Cut and serve!  OR

If you want to make a fire engine, cut the cake into thirds. (I used Betty Crocker ready made frosting to 'glue' it together and then stuck ready to roll colour regal icing all over it.)   Stack 2 of the 3 sections on top of each other for the back of the truck. On the third section cut two pieces of equal size for the cab, leaving one small rectangular piece to be the 'connector' between the cab and the truck.  Decorate with regal icing and black decorator's icing and job done.



black midnights and bright mornings

I am a sucker for a warm piece of cake straight out of the oven. I have difficulty waiting for it to cool before slicing off a 'tester' piece. (It's very important to test before giving it to others. You may find you need to test quite a few pieces, this is essential for quality control.) Today I adapted Betty Crocker's classic 'Black Midnight Cake' -- If you hunt down one cookbook in your life, hunt down the old school 1969/1972 version of the Betty Crocker cookbook. It never lets you down, always has a brilliant recipe for whatever you want and has a fab vintage/retro feel, largely because it is. 

Anyway, I bake to relax, to unwind and to think, and this afternoon was no different. I was reflecting on a good morning at church and enjoying spending time with God in the main meeting. This is no mean feat when you have 2 small boys and a husband who is up the front doing music or announcements or preaching, just generally leading- often a Sunday morning can feel something of a mini marathon. Now, I'm not gonna lie, it is hard to stay expectant for God to move in your heart when you are simultaneously spooning spaghetti hoops into a toddlers mouth while getting a fire engine sticker out of his hair, and with the other hand doing 'magic fingers' for a baby and singing "We bow down" while actually on your knees doing all these things!  But this morning I found that if I just kept one part of my brain quietly in love with God while doing all these other things, it was like being lifted out of a black midnight into a bright morning. For in God's eyes, I'm not a beleaguered mummy, I'm a beloved child, and in the words of one of my favourite hymns:

"Ransomed, healed, restored, forgiven,

Who like me His praise should sing."

If you hunt down one truth in your life, hunt down this:

"The chief end of man is to glorify God and to enjoy him forever." (Westminster Catechism)

I am made not for myself, not for making cake, not for others, not for wiping children's noses, not for something nebulus, not for something unknown. I am made for this- to know God, to love Him, to live my life to glorify Him, to enjoy knowing him, to enjoy loving him. Knowing that truth, deep in my heart, makes many black midnights turn into bright mornings.



Black Midnight Cake (adapted)

2 1/4 cups plain flour

1 2/3 cups sugar (I make 1/3 of a cup dark brown sugar)

2/3 cup cocoa powder

1 1/4 tsp baking soda

1 tsp salt

1/4 tsp baking powder

3/4 cup dairy free marg (you can use butter or shortening)

2 eggs

1 tsp vanilla

1 1/4 cup water

Heat oven to 180C/ 350F. Grease a 13x9 pan. Pop all the ingredient in a big mixing bowl and beat together until smooth. Tip: add the water in stages so there's less of a splashy mess when you turn the beaters on.  Pour into the pan and into the oven for about 40 minutes or until a toothpick in the centre comes out clean. Cool in the pan, cut into squares and enjoy the fudgy yummyness.





a day to celebrate new beginnings

Yesterday I was privileged to celebrate the upcoming wedding of my friend Sarah in the afternoon and then in the evening got the wonderful news that my friend Claire had given birth to a healthy baby boy. Fabulous. I love happy days of looking ahead- whether its a baby and the promise of a new little life or a wedding and the promise of a new together life.

There is that feeling of giddy anticipation, like when you set out on a really long trip and you think ...Have I got everything? ...Did I pack pants?..Do you have the directions? ...Where will we stop? ...When will we go? ...Will it be okay? ....I hope its good...I hope we don't end up in hospital...I hope its a laugh...Did you pack socks? ....

Only this time it's not just a trip there and back, its a trip into the unknown. A trip of faith. A first step on a strange and winding road. An adventure waiting to happen. A story yet to be told.

As you set out on new journeys my prayer for you is that you would embrace the new. Forget about the 'what could have happened?' and enjoy the happenings. Remember that it is never too late to learn or to try something new. When you hit a low, look up and remember the highs. That will help carry you through to the next one. Remember you are more than 'just a' whether its 'just a wife' or 'just a student' or 'just a mummy' or 'just another guy'--YOU are an amazing person created by God to do great and wonderful things. You will never be 'just a'.  And, whatever direction the road goes, know that somewhere, maybe way back at the beginning, maybe in the middle, or even if it's near the end...
I am praying for your journey, wherever you are. x

Its an easy choice for the cake that goes with this memory...
for Sarah -your quick reference!  for Claire - you cannot fail!

Microwave Chocolate Cake (adapted from BBC good food)

4 tbsp self-rising flour
4 tbsp brown sugar (or white if it's all you have)
2 tbsp cocoa powder
3 tbsp milk
3 tbsp vegetable or sunflower oil
1 egg

splash of vanilla or almond or orange extract (to make the cake a different flavour)
You can also add in chocolate sauce or a spoonful of nutella or a handful of chocolate chips if you want.

Stir it all together in a deep cereal bowl or a cappuchino (big) mug.
Microwave on high (800) for 2 minutes.

Serve warm with cream/ ice cream/ clotted cream - whichever is your preference.
It serves 2 self controlled people with ice cream or 1 very greedy woman by herself after the ironing is done and the children are asleep and she's standing in the kitchen poised with a spoon for as soon as the microwave beeps to pull it out and go omnomnomnomnom......